Own Your Feelings and Needs
For a long time, I operated with a couple of inaccurate and unhelpful assumptions.
I should manage my feelings.
I am stronger if I don’t have needs.
The first appears in phrases like, “Don’t feel bad.” or “You don’t have to feel so upset about that.” The intention behind those phrases is to comfort someone and get that person through the negative emotions and back to the positive ones. The problem is that we don’t have that much control over our feelings. We can manage our reactions, but the emotions are deeper inside us. If I feel broken and alone inside, smiling through the pain is like putting a fresh coat of paint on the damaged and crumbling wall; it may look a little better, but if the cause is not addressed, the problems will worsen. Instead of trying to manage or change our feelings, the better strategy is to notice those feelings and look for the message behind why those feelings are coming up. Once you notice those feelings, you can look for the needs that are behind those feelings.
The second misguided assumption is denying that we have needs. Breathing is a basic need, like food and health, but safety and connection are also human needs. If there are strong negative feelings, some unmet needs drive those emotions. Strength comes from owning those feelings and needs so that you can do something about them. Saying what you need takes courage, but understanding what you need gives you power and can help you move in the direction you want.
Learning how to own my feelings and needs has helped me grow personally and also benefit the people around me. If you want to learn more about owning your feelings and needs, please Contact Us.
