Entitlement
In my conversations with pastors this past summer, I heard many challenges that I expected, but I was surprised by how often I heard about entitlement.. When someone feels entitled, they say, “I deserve this.” Whatever the ‘this’ is for them, there is a sense that it belongs to them, and everyone else needs to just give way. It had different flavors of ‘who’ was entitled to ‘what’ in various conversations, but it rose to the surface as one of the top struggles for pastors these days. The following contains many statements directly from pastors that happened during my conversations this summer.
Entitlement
The first time I heard the term in a conversation with a pastor, it surprised me.
There is an entitlement culture in our church, in the country, and in our larger church body.
But then I heard the word and the concept more and more frequently, and I also heard about the effects of that entitlement.
Entitled people are exhausting. They aren't really interested in what others have to say.
New Pastors
It is especially hard for younger pastors who go to an established congregation.
Pastors who are less than 40 years old are powerless against an established church.
Younger pastors seem to have more landmines with older congregations.
Young pastors can be taken advantage of because of their lack of experience.
Yet sometimes, those young pastors feel a sense of entitlement, as well; they may feel like they automatically deserve the trust and respect of people before working to build those relationships.
New pastors come in and feel like successful churches should just be given to them.
Either way, it can be challenging for younger pastors to lead a church with members with significantly more life experience than they do.
People in leadership here have been here a long time. It is hard leading people older than me.
That age difference can cause those young pastors to think about the exit strategy as soon as they arrive.
How do I stay long enough but not too long? If I stay too long, they will be asking me to do things that are not my greatest strengths.
Established Churches
Even though some challenges arise from the perspective of the younger pastors, there are struggles that grow from the established church, as well. Neither has an agenda for frustrating the other, but congregations with a history (whether that history is less than five years, over one hundred years, or anywhere in between) can make it challenging for a pastor.
The history of this place affects a lot of what I try to do here.
Is the programming actually accomplishing the purpose? Many times, we are just afraid of breaking traditions.
The church may see pastors as transitory and not really part of their community.
Our church has had 12 pastors in 60 years. This gives the congregation license to not deal with conflict; the pastor will be gone soon.
As a result, a church has the potential to become inward-focused.
Our church members feel like they do not have to do outreach and evangelism.
Ownership
Many pastors arrived at an established church with programs in place and people in leadership, and it was challenging to develop a collaborating relationship.
The members of our very established church feel that they own the church.
A foundational concern is determining whose church this is.
People feel like this is "my church" and not "Christ's church."
The financial support of members is a huge blessing to the pastor and the ministry of that congregation, but the entitlement of some donors can lead to difficulties, as well.
There are some sacred cows in the congregation I went to. There were donations with strings attached.
Closing Thoughts
Entitlement is an unspoken expectation that causes conflict in our churches. The best way to deal with an unspoken expectation is to speak about it, step back, and try to describe the bigger picture with as much clarity as possible and allow the other person to agree or adjust as necessary. I’m not saying that such conversations are easy, but I know from experience that they are powerful and beneficial to everyone in the long run. If you are interested in knowing more about how healthy conversations about entitlement would be possible and helpful to you, please Contact Us.
