Mental Health

Over the summer of 2023, I had 20-30 minute conversations with over 50 pastors about their biggest challenges, and one that came up often centered around mental health and emotional intelligence. I put these categories together because the same pastors repeatedly emphasized the need for both of these. The conversations bounced around between having the emotional intelligence to handle the feelings of people in their congregation and their own feelings, which led to the need for mental health. A quick search of “mental health” will connect emotions and emotional needs to being a whole person. In the following, you will read what many pastors had to say about mental health, emotional intelligence, and emotional well-being.

Relational Skills

Being a theologian might be an intellectual endeavor, but being a pastor requires applying those theological truths to people and what people need.

Many pastors are great theologians, but can they pastor?

The outside world has an idealized vision of pastors as professional theologians, but pastors need interpersonal, soft skills, and relational skills.

Pastors are often part of life's most emotional times, such as weddings, baptisms, and funerals.

Almost all meetings with people are extremes, whether it's the high emotion of celebrating the best times or the grief from comforting during the lowest.

Pastors need to balance grace and truth in how they communicate with people.

There is an art of speaking truth with gentleness and respect. We should always speak truth, but without relationship, it is useless.

Self-awareness is needed to balance that grace and truth.

Pastors are not great at self-awareness. The pride stems from fear and insecurity.

Without the balance of grace and truth combined with a healthy self-awareness, pastors will feel like they are inadequate for the work they are doing.

There is a tendency to feel like someone is always being let down. You won't always have 100% happy results.

There is a lot of self-doubt, depression, and ongoing dissatisfaction with the current circumstances.

Dysfunction

Relational skills are needed from pastors because they are often asked to help resolve conflict. When people avoid conflict, the wounds and pain of relationships are deep.

Many people are not ready to deal with conflict, and if you don't deal with it the conflict lasts a really long time.

It takes a great deal of people skills to work through conflict with people in leadership positions.

It feels like part of my job is to unpeel the layers of dysfunction from leadership boards to individual families.

One aspect of working through conflict involves holding people accountable for their words and actions, which is only sometimes successful.

Inviting accountability is great. Our board is not always equipped for that role.

Mental Health

Advocating for good mental health practices is a way of working through conflict and relationship struggles.

There is a strong need for mental-health-friendly congregations.

There are a lot of people asking for help with mental health.

Mental health issues are everywhere.

Mental health stuff is huge. I have to be intentional about seeking out help.

Our denomination struggles with mental health, and they are not sure how to deal with it.

In my conversations, I noticed pastors over 55 rarely spoke about mental health and emotional intelligence. Pastors under 35 were quick to talk about such topics, and those between the ages of 35 and 55 were conflicted about how to approach the subject.

People from older generations couldn't talk about mental health. The younger generations don't have resources for it.

Ignoring the issues around mental health is not a good option.

Pastors need to learn how to cultivate the landscape of their interior selves. They don't know how to do this, and it requires intentionality.

I have had anxiety around work, and the health care we have doesn't work.

It’s clear that there is a need, and having a coach or spiritual director could be a great answer.

A coach can help. Otherwise, how are you being vulnerable? If you don't have a coach and spiritual director, you'll be in trouble.

Pastors get in ruts and don't know what to do. Many get down on themselves. They don't necessarily need counseling, but some element of that.

Closing Thoughts

Mental and emotional well-being is a huge need for people and pastors alike. Clinical conditions like depression need to be addressed through therapy, but not all situations require that level of care. All people need others to walk beside them to help them see their blind spots and grow into the people they were created to be. I say this less as a growth coach and more as someone who has benefited from coaching myself. My coach brought to light things I was unaware of, empowering me to consider new possibilities with humility and curiosity. I resonate with this pastor who spoke about his own spiritual growth as a powerful and humbling process.

My self-care centers around a spiritual awareness of what I need and don't need from others. I've found my own idols.

If you would like to know more about how coaching could benefit you and your mental health journey, please Contact Us.