Yeah, but what do I need?

In a training seminar last week, we discussed how to navigate difficult discussions, and one young lady spoke up with a question, “So what’s the best way to handle someone who is being terminated from their job when they just lose it and start crying uncontrollably?”

It was a good question, and there were a few suggestions from the group: give the person time to get composed or give them as much dignity as possible in the situation. The suggestions mostly focused on the best way to help someone who is losing their job.

I think that is a pretty natural reaction, but another question to ask is, “What do I need?” What comes up inside me when someone emotionally breaks down in front of me? If I want them to stop crying, is that because I want to help them or because I feel uncomfortable about the emotions coming up inside of me? Do I have a handle on the tough emotions that arise in me when I am in the presence of someone who is emotionally dysregulated? There is a need behind those questions and emotions, and targeting the unmet need is powerful.

Compassion sometimes looks like comforting someone. At other times, compassion looks like giving someone the space to work through his or her emotions safely. If you would like to learn more about developing the capacity to handle the strong emotions of other people, please Contact Us.